A few weeks ago, I wrote the first part of this post, entitled The Levels of Trust, I would recommend you read the first part, and the comments, before continuing on with our discussion on Trust. I’ve been trying to figure out what aspect of trust I want to continue with as there are so many levels within levels.
Today, I want to discuss JUDGMENT. And I’m not talking about how we (general we) judge each other on a petty scale, or the keeping up with the Jones’ level of judging, but how we actually judge someone worthy of total trust, or an identity-based trust level. Tessa Wanton brought up Naivety and Judgment in her comments on my original trust post, which spurred me to write this post. So, thank you, Tessa.
Here is the definition of judgment, from dictionary.
1. An act or instance of judging.
2. The ability to judge, make a, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, especially in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion: a man of judgment.
3. The demonstration or exercise of such ability or capacity: The major was decorated for the judgment he showed under fire.
4. The forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind: Our judgment as to the cause of his failure must rest on the evidence.
5. The opinion formed: He regretted his hasty judgment.
But along with Judgment, in my opinion, and this might only relate to myself, is INTUITION:
[in-too-ish-uhn, -tyoo-] noun
1. Direct perception of truth, fact, etc., independent of any reasoning process; immediate apprehension.
2. A fact, truth, etc., perceived in this way.
3. A keen and quick insight
4. The quality or ability of having such direct perception or quick insight.
5. Philosophy .
a. An immediate cognition of an object not inferred or determined by a previous cognition of the same object.
b. Any object or truth so discerned.
c. Pure, untaught, non-inferential knowledge.
Every person has a unique set of skills, formed from nature and nurture. We are born with gifts, and whether we choose to harness or utilize those gifts is up to each individual person. Personally, and you might wonder if I’m crazy, but I am perceptive and intuitive. I know, you’re probably thinking, well, so am I. Right? Well, I tend to take my ‘gifts’ a step further. I am able to quickly … understand… someone, their motivations, and I can often predict their reasoning and the ‘why’s. I guess you can say I am able to size a person up and read them based off a few questions and conversations. I have an uncanny sense of people, and often internalize their issues or problems and can offer up immediate, logical answers to those issues and problems.
But enough about me, and my own personal uniqueness. I know there are a few of you who understand what I’m saying.
So, how does this relate to trust? Easily. Call it gut instinct, but I believe most people can tell when someone is trust worthy. — For the most part. I’m not talking about sociopaths or persons who can lie as easily as they can breath. I truly believe that if most people listened to their instincts, or their gut, they would know who to trust.
Trust starts with trusting yourself.
Do you trust your own instincts and judgement?
That is not to say I haven’t made mistakes and trusted the wrong person. I have. The last time I let someone hurt me — I mean, really, really, hurt me — I was in high school. I was scarred enough from him that it took me years to overcome what happened, and deal with the emotional trauma. (If you are interested to learn more, you can pick up a copy of Finding Time — There is truth in my marriage novella)
As a side note, and little bit of digression — Part of me doesn’t want to send my kids to high school. Life can be so difficult and I want to spare them the type of heartache, pain and anger I went through.
For a long time, I was closed off. People who knew me in real life thought I was cold and snobby. I’m not, but I can see how they might have believed that. I learned a valuable lesson and I took it to heart. People can wound you if you allow them too, and so I only let a little of myself leak out into the world. The rest of me I kept contained and locked away.
I’m slowly entering the world again, stepping a toe out, getting stronger and more comfortable in my own skin. I’ve learned to listen to my instincts, and watch others before allowing them inside me. To know me. I talk everyday, I can chatter on like a squirrel and I ramble like no bodies business. A five minute phone call can turn into two hours of …what the fuck just happened? *laughs* I’m talking to you, you know who you are :grins
Anyway — I seem to have gotten off on a tangent and now I’ve forgotten what I was blithering on about. There are so many levels of trust. But also, there are levels within levels. Hence the title of this post.
I said before I have six people in my life I trust not to hurt me — on purpose. Within those six people, I share different parts of myself. I’ll give you an example. One of those six is my mother. Now, I love my mom (Hi, Mom, I know you’re reading this) But there are a few things I’d rather her not know. I mean, she’s my mother. You feel me? Another is my best friend KR who has been with me through thick and thin, and we met when she was 14 and I was 15. Our friendship is ultimate and I can call her and tell her anything. Anything. And I often do, isn’t that right sweetie? I know you’re reading too. And I hope you made that phone call! *laughs* I can trust that she will not judge me, or make me feel bad for any thoughts or errant emotions that run through me — and trust me, I’m an emotional woman.Speaking of …Babe it’s time for more Sangria!
My husband James is on the list — duh. He has always been my rock, the person who gets me and all my quirks and likes me anyway. We are an eccentric and quirky couple. Ask anyone who knows us in real life. There are times where we are both so intuitive we don’t even need to speak. We just are — and do. It’s an amazing feeling.
There is another on my list I can tell anything to. It may have to be pried out of me with a crowbar at times, but I trust in our bond, and the safety and freedom that comes with it. Some days just knowing I can open up and share anything about myself, and be accepted for who I am, makes tears pool in my eyes. I hope I allow the same safety in return. There are not many who understand the way my brain works and shifts and when I find someone I can trust to a high level, I have a hard time letting them go.
I seem to have digressed again. Habit of mine, sorry about that. How many people in your life do you trust? I like to think I’m lucky having the number of people in my life I can count on, and be myself with. Are you lucky? Do you have someone, or multiple people in your life you trust? Do you trust your instincts and intuition when it comes to meeting new people, and making new friends? How do you decide how much of yourself to give another?